Since no one actually pays attention to me on Twitter, I just started posting random snippets of dialogue from stories that I will never write. I will post these here as I reach a new batch of 10 for now on.

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“Your voice is like honey to me. Scratchy, sticky, pasty, honey straight from the hive, with bits of struggling bees throughout.”

“You’re a much better cop than you are a human, so, you might want to consider only going out in public while on duty for now on.”

“My whole life, all I have ever done is teach kids. To help them be better, more successful versions of themselves. And I hate kids.”

“True love isn’t just laughing at his jokes, it is hating and reviling everyone else who is even remotely as funny as he is.”

“At some point you will need to throw in the towel and live a comfortable life or keep following your heart and have no retirement fund.”

“You’re like a Serif Font at a Sans Serif party – all pointy angles and pretension, while everyone just wants to get drunk with Comic Sans.”

Everyone is in a race to find happiness. A deadly, deadly race.

He was the Kurt Cobain of High Science – troubled, brilliant, with huge early success, a psycho wife, and an early exit by way of shotgun.

The real beauty of the child was his complete lack of loyalty or morality in the presence of anything remotely resembling a fruit roll-up.

He was lodged in her heart like an old Catskills comic going on his 30th year of performing with only 15 minutes of new material.