My #FakeCES Twitter Adventures

(Originally posted on

While attending CES in 2011 for work, I tweeted my adventures, but since I am fundamentally a very boring person in real life, I figured it made sense to tweet my fake adventures too, just to make it interesting to others. Here are my #FakeCES tweets (my real #CES tweets are super boring).

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January 11, 2011

My trip to #CES is off to a fantastic start – overslept and just now starting the drive to Vegas…

On way to Vegas to present this prototype to some potential investors. Thought I saw someone following me. LOL need more sleep. #fakeCES

Excellent, the meeting is on. Yes!! Weirdly they want me to call the main money guy The Carpathian. WTF?! Ha!! #fakeCES

Crapcrapcrapcrap. Carpathian bad. Very very bad. Dangdangdangdang. #fakeCES

Shook the Carpathian’s guys. Hiding out in the North Hall. I swear one said Carpathian Diem which I think means Destroy the Day. #fakeCES

Apparently it means Carpathe the Day. I am on the run again. #fakeCES

A guy who says he is a friend has attached himself to me. He says he works for BioDigiGeneTech. Maybe they will invest. #fakeCES

BioDigiGeneTech are in cahoots with the Carpathian and are a subsidiary of the TSA. I am on the run again. #fakeCES

Have connected with a guy from TechnoDigiBioGen which is co-owned by the CIA and Showtime. He is going to get me free cable. #fakeCES

I am in the desert. No water. No sure how I got here. Wallace, the CIA/Showtime guy slipped me something in a drink. I need water. #fakeCES

I found an old abandoned house (more like a shack). But it has a well in the back. #fakeCES

There is a big glowing stone at the bottom of the well and a dude wearing rough hand made wool clothing. #fakeCES

Not sure what happened but I am on an island and it looks like it is circa 1972. I lost my prototype somewhere, too. #fakeCES

Wait. Sorry. It’s not an island. I’m at the Mirage Hotel and Casino. That well water was spiked. #fakeCES

January 12, 2011

The Carpathian has extended an olive branch and wants to meet again. He wants me to bring the prototype to the roof of the Wynn. #fakeCES

Crap crap crap crap crap. Bad idea. Crap crap crap. On the run again. Crap… Oooooh, is that a Cinnabon? #fakeCES

Sitting in the Las Vegas Hilton waiting for the Man w/ One Red Shoe to confirm my appt w/ Dr Namatsu (the furniture king of Tokyo). #fakeCES

Dr Namatsu has actual honest to goodness Samurai bodyguards with the full armor and swords and everything!! Awesome!! #fakeCES

Weirdest thing – I was surrounded by Samurai when an old grizzled Japanese man pushing a bamboo cart with a child in it rescued me. #fakeCES

I think his “baby cart” is being manufactured for release by Toshiba and is on display in the South Hall. #fakeCES

I am calling the Baby Cart Samurai Venture Capitalist Yoshimi because I can’t pronounce his real name, plus @theflaminglips rule. #fakeCES

He had my prototype, that is how he found me. He is taking me to meet with his business partner. They are interested in funding me. #fakeCES

The LG 3D exhibit is mind blowingly awesome. #CES #fakeCES

Yoshimi introduced me to his Biz Partner, a very much alive Marilyn Monroe. An alive Joe DiMaggio saw me with her. I am on the run. #fakeCES

I sat down with Ms Monroe, Mr DiMaggio and Yoshimi and made my presentation of my prototype. They were all very enthusiastic. #fakeCES

They all purchased distributorships to my prototype & are reaching out to all of their friends/family. Riches are coming. #MLM #fakeCES


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