Holiday Family Newsletter From The Mutant Cannibal Family Just Outside Of Town Up On The Hill Behind The Old Rendering Plant

Happy Holidays to all of y’all!!

It has certainly been a long year out here in the three corner wilds. And I am not just talking about the number of days!!

Little Amberline is doing wonderfully in her studies. She has just turned 8. She is the prettiest of all the girls. Such a star. We have big hopes for her. Her hair is always in pig tails (no not real pig tails, could you imagine?) And she has the most beautiful dress, though it is getting a little ragged. Paw Paw (Roscoe’s daddy) thinks we should get her a new one, but I (Mayline) think it is fine still. It has fit her just fine for 8 years, and I think it is probably good for at least one more year. We will see who wins this battle of the wits!! HAHA!!

Our middle boy Hollis, 12, lost his nose earlier. He swears he has no idea where he put it. We have looked everywhere – all we have found is the wooden clip Paw Paw carved for him to hold it in place. We think the Pigs got it. That poor boy was inconsolable, until Granny (Mayline’s momma) promised to get him another as long as he finished everything on his plate, regardless of who it was. We are already keeping our eyes out for a replacement for his Birthday.

Brintey is a bit of a worry. She is almost 16 but still not married and says she has no plans on getting married anytime soon. Even though Cousin Bobby is perfectly healthy and willing to step up and take her off our hands. Plus he isn’t even 50 yet so he has some plenty good years left in him. I swear young people ain’t got no sense. Raising women is not for the faint of heart. We decided until she comes around she will have to stay down in the potato cellar. We give her a month afore she changes her mind, and then we will have a beautiful Easter wedding. Just think of the frills!

Roscoe, Jr just turned 21 and he is the spitting image of his daddy. He moved into his own place just down the road a bit and has been talking about starting his own family. So we are on the alert for any young eligible female, friend or family or stranger, that might be in the area any time soon. He would make any girl a proud momma.  Just don’t get between him and Heather-Ann, his favorite ewe. I swear those two are inseparable. :D

Roscoe, Sr just turned 60 himself, and I tell you, he looks good as ever. The way that right eye droops down on his cheek and is always watching you. That cleft palate and rosy neck scar. Gives a girl chills, amirite. I would not trade him for anything. I love that man, twelve toes, 11 fingers, two hearts and all

Paw Paw and Granny are celebrating their 35th anniversary in February. They had a Valentine’s wedding. Can you imagine how romantic that was. Paw Paw will be 85 this year and Granny will be 48. A match made in heaven. And best of all, we just found out thru that Paw Paw is also Grand Paw Paw. How amazing is that?

I (Mayline) have had a blessed year. With the economy being what it has been in the big world, we have seen an increase in traffic down to the local gas store that we run with peoples looking for new opportunities or escape and our bellies and pockets have been full. I turned 34 just a couple of months ago, and I can’t believe life has sped by so fast. This next year is the big 35 and I can only wait for the adventure I know it will be. Especially, cause I will have a new baby boy. Glory, glory, glory. We cannot wait to find out who’s it is.

Well, gotta run now – a van full of teenagers just broke down over yonder by the old road. We are truly humbled by all the bounteous good that we have had this season. It will be the best Christmas ever. Remember, you are always welcome at our dinner table, we would love to have you.

Happiest of Christmases, Kwanzaas, et al.

The Cartners

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